I've forgotten how frustrating it is to apply to a new school. I spent today emailing different people at Andrews trying to get approval for my graduation this summer. I need to get this departments approval and that persons signature for a class. Its time consuming, frustrating and people don't respond to my calls or emails and I have to call them back four or five times before they will answer. Its just pissing me off.

I just want my degree. I want to graduate and move on with my life. It will make my parents happy to finally know that I have my degree and it will give me a sense of accomplishment to know that all those years of work gave me... a piece of paper saying I studied stuff.

Eventually, hopefully everything will fall into place. I hope.

I'm tired.

I'm gonna go listen to Gooey now.

Homeleave

I went to Orlando this past weekend. I had an awesome time hanging out with friends, a little job searching, and picking out an apartment. Being there and actually picking a place and visiting the school made everything real. I'm moving to Florida at the end of the summer!

I tend to stress about big decisions but I'm slowly learning to chill out about decisions and try to let God lead in the right direction. From childhood I have always felt that I can't depend on others, the only one I can trust is myself. Slowly I think I'm learning to let my guard down when it comes to relationships with friends and family. If I have learned anything in the last 24 years of my life it is that holding on to anger and resentment towards others is only going to turn you bitter and cause you even more pain in the end. When I look at the whole picture of my life I can't be to bitter about the cards that have been dealt to me. I have two parents who provided for me, sent me to christian schools. I have good friends, family, food, a car, and I've even seen a few places in the world, I have health.

Over the weekend my friends were talking about personality types and I realized that I didn't know exactly what mine was. I definitely know that I'm introverted but I didn't think to much about the details, well I took the Carl Jung personality test and I have discovered that I am an ISFP (introverted sensing feeling perceiving) it was cool to read and look into my personality a bit not every single detail was me but a majority of the description I definitely identify with. One of the cool things was on one the sites that I looked on about my personality says I tend to focus on "the here and now." Thats the name of my blog. :)

I've been writing on this blog for just over a year now! Its so cool to go back and look at some of the things I've done. I plan to write more in the future. I'm looking forward to seeing where life leads me. Right now that directions seems to be Florida. :)

Who am I that you are Mindful of Me

Sometimes this world overwhelms me with its endless beauty. Last Sabbath we went to the pastors house for lunch and afterward we watched the national geographic documentary on the natural beauty of North America. Sometimes I think we forget that we aren't the only creatures who wander this earth. Everyday birds, bears, whales, animals of all sorts are also making amazing journeys trekking through wind, snow, and water grasping for survival. I find it fascinating, even inspiring.

Seeing the vastness of this world leaves me with a strong desire to never settle down. I feel like I need to see and experience the different parks, weather, views that this world has. I've done some traveling not a lot out of the country but I've done and seen more than the average person I guess. But with that experience wanderlust grabs a hold of me I can't imagine being satisfied with living, working in the same area my entire life. 

The logical side tells me that I need to hurry up and graduate, look for a permanent job and start living a "normal" life. And the not so logical side is telling me that I need to drop everything and start wandering this huge world. When I think about the future and what it holds for me I get scared.  I don't think I want to get tied down. I want to be free!

I want to live life fully. What does that even mean? Will I look back on these feeling in a few years as youthful musing? I hope not, but probably.  

I'm expected to at least get a job and live in one place, eventually pop out a few kids and then settle into mediocrity. 

Right now though this is not what I want to do. If money, and social pressures were not in play. I would like to move somewhere green and beautiful, build a cabin with preferably a nice view. That could be where I called home but I wouldn't stay there all the time, I would travel around the world maybe doing mission work, helping orphans somehow using my knowledge to make the world a better place. I'd have friends in different parts of the world and I would stop in and visit them, visit all the national parks in America, visit all the major cities, I could turn this blog into a travel journal and have pictures of all the exotic places I had visited...

One can dream.

Today I sat in my messy room and tried to teach myself how to do the basket weave knitting stitch while watching American Dad and Being Human. Tomorrow I will clean bathrooms, do room check and wait for time to reveal my future. 

April 3, 2014

I'm sitting here at Starbucks once again. I just had a somewhat depressing conversation with my Mom, about jobs of course. I appreciate my Mom because she is not willing to feed my ego just because I'm her daughter. I was complaining about how it seems my job search is going nowhere and that it seems like nothing is going my way. Her response wasn't what I wanted to hear but it was the truth. She bluntly informed me that there are plenty of people in my exact situation and that maybe the first job that I get isn't going to be exactly what I want. It might not even be in the same area I studied in college.

Well that's depressing.

Its also the truth. I don't consider myself a proud person but maybe I could afford to be a little more humble and realize that life isn't going to go exactly the way I want it to. Instead of wallowing I need to buck up and realize that I should be thankful that I have been able to go to college in the first place. I should be thankful that I'm able bodied enough to even apply for a job. I need to stop taking life and all the opportunities I have for granted... This blog  post is turning into pep talk for myself.

My brother lives at fort hood and yesterday I got a terrifying call from my frantic Mom. There was a shooting, we spent a few minutes scared that something had happened to him until he finally called and said he was okay. Life changes in a moment and I am praying for the families who lost a love one yesterday .

I sat in staff meeting on Tuesday, from 8:30 to 10:30 pm... girls can now wear pants to church on Sabbath. Yeah.

I am currently suffering "finished a book syndrome"

I just finished a pretty long book that had me caught up in alternate reality. When I finished last night I felt the exact way this comic describes. This is why I enjoy reading so much it allows me to escape from reality and my problems for awhile. I've also realized that I should probably read other books that teach me something. I've been trying to read this book about writing for like a month now... 

Well I guess that is all the semi interesting things that happened to me this week so far. Because I have no life I will probably be blogging out of boredom again in the near future. 

P.S

I need to start running again. I hate Jillian Michaels. 

Being a Grownup

Well its April... and I have been applying for jobs for the last several months. At first it was exciting thinking about potential jobs and moving to a new city. The novelty has worn off and I am tired of the cycle of heading to Starbucks buying my earl grey tea latte and searching and searching then applying for jobs.

Being an adult is so hard! I sometimes want to go back to the less complicated  days of college.  I miss having everything planned out and only having to dream about all the different jobs I could have.  Now cold hard reality has set in, I'm not as awesome and experienced as I imagine I am. My resume probably isn't any more impressive than the next Joe down the road.

You know whats annoying... not knowing where I'll be in three months. Every single year being unsure of whats going to happen next. Is it to much to want some stability?

I give up. I'm just going to head into the woods build a cabin as my home base and wander the world. That sounds much more exciting than applying for all these dumb jobs.

That's how I feel today.