Last Tuesday I drove 12 hours straight, to High-springs Florida. I had made that same trip for the same reason in high school. It was so weird to be there in a different role, as staff instead of student. Instead of walking into the prayer room and seeing all the beautiful effort that had been put into it to make it look special and inviting, I was the one who helped put it all together. The meetings, songs, and activities were the same I was just looking at it from a very different perspective, I was looking at it from the perspective of an adult. It felt so weird!

I'm in such a weird place right now in my life. I'm trying to figure out what it means to be an adult. Sometimes I wish for the days where all I worried about was how much fun I could have. Now I'm trying to figure out whats the next step for me in real life. The decisions I make are all on me. I am sure that things would be different if I was married or even had a kid of my own but for those who are in there mid twenties, single and so unsure of the next step it can feel like you are in some sort of limbo, floating from day today unsure of what you are going to do with your life.

I try to plan for the future but mine is so insecure I really don't know whats going to happen to far in the future. Next year I could be almost anywhere.

I've been doing a lot of praying lately. I am not a talented speaker, I don't have a dynamic personality, around new people I feel uncomfortable, but here's what God has shown me lately, anyone can pray.

Even though I'm quite unsure of the future, I don't know if anyone will hire me next year or if I'll have to move home for a little while, I do know that even though I can't be sure of the future that quiet confidence I have in Christ will see me through, I always feel at peace when I'm near him.

Well there is graduate school...

I just started the application process.

"Come and See"

Over the Christmas break I attended GYC. I will be honest, at first my reason for attending was that several of my friends were going and it was an opportunity to spend my Christmas vacation doing something productive rather than just sitting around for two weeks. Though socializing with friends was the chief reason for attending, I was also interested in hearing some of the speakers. GYC was packed and every moment was scheduled with talks and presentations, towards the end I grew tired of consuming so much information and just chilled in my room. I tried attending several interesting sessions but by the time I got there the room was already filled with people. One of the topics was called "loving the gays to Christ", it might be just me but I would have titled it a little differently.

I tried to attend, listen, and be open minded. The sessions that I attended most was Dr. John Markovic's talk on the emergent church. He was one of my favorite professors  when I attended Andrews. His six session talk left me with many questions and a knowledge that I needed to study and read the Bible for myself. Being a Seventh-Day-Adventist has always been something I have for the most part always embraced with enthusiasm. I love most our traditions, attending Adventist Schools from grade school through University. Now in my mid twenties I have worked at two Academies and have upheld all the traditions and quirks that go along with working at an Adventist Boarding school.

I have a general knowledge of the fundamental beliefs, I have read some of Ellen Whites books for my Bible Classes, I've even been to the little museum they have under the library at Andrews, I've seen some of her very own books in the vault they keep down there.

I've come to the realization that I need something deeper, something that will ground me for a lifetime. I need to stop skimming the surface of my faith, I'm ready for something with substance. But where should I start? That is the question that has been on my mind for the last few days.

What does it mean to serve God? What does it mean to truly know him? What book of Ellen Whites should I start with? What book of the Bible should I start with? What changes in my life need to take place? What does it truly mean to stand apart? ? Do I literally need to follow everything Ellen White says in all those books she wrote? Is it wrong to read books by Rob Bell, Brian Mclaren, Don Miller, or others who have been labeled "emergent?" I have so many questions going through my mind! Is One Project too emergent? Is GYC too radical?

Tonight I could not sleep, I got up and sent a quick prayer up to God and opened my Bible app on my Iphone and decided to read the first Chapter of John. The first chapter of John tells of John the Baptist declaring Jesus the son of God, the one who takes away the sins of the world. In chapter one it also tells of what Jesus said to the disciples when they asked him who was he, his answer was "Come and See" (John 1:39)

This gave me peace of mind. I need to start with Jesus. I'm going to start by making sure I am focused on a relationship with him. I'm going to "come and see" who he is.